Its the first time, im ever bloggin in something .. The idea had fascinated me as i was never an essay or diary writer, though i've had tons of ideas come and go which at different times i've eagerly felt like penning down .. BUT .. never had the chance .. WHY?? coz i hated writing formally .. actually even reading ....... anything sedentary used to turn me totally off with such sinisterness that if i ever indulged into sth like that, i wouldn't think of anything but "y did hav to waste my time on that crap?" for the rest of the day .. but dont worry, that was just till i grew up a little more .. and the below IS NOT something i wished to pen down ..
anyways, lukin at my title .. i thought id start off with this topic .. coz i hope it'll be the end of my bad times in the start of this new phase of mine (which hopefully is my start to a gud life as well) .. and i sure dont want to remember these days later ..
Gone are the days when our family used to have fun trips to amusement parks, cool dine-outs, movies, comedy shows .. the days when we were a family .. A REAL FAMILY .. i still remember when we used to be so excited about going for a picnic that i cud not nibble one bit of sleep the previous night .. each of us had our own little backpack where we used to keep our very own stuff and double check, sometimes triple check if they were all there lest we'd miss any of the fun elements for the BIG DAY ahead of us ..
Gone are those days when i used to be up there as the pride of my family as a master of all, jack of none ... Academics (always class topper), Music (Jazz drummer and singer), Western Dance, Karate (Black belt Dan 2 and All India and UAE National level athlete) .. i had loads of hair (which i miss greatly), i used to be a classy comedian .. on the contrary, people used to crowd around me, my attitude and way of speech somehow impressed people, my aggresive attitude of always devouring the way to NUMBER ONE . Man, i was SOMETHING else (Masha Allah) !!
My mother was our main source of inspiration, herself being an upclass perfectionist during her peak times.. the best of the best .. by far, that none of her friends or relatives could near her charisma ..
Shemi, my eldest brother who was my idol in academics (he somehow lost it in time, links it to the appendicitis operation he underwent during Grade X), was always Numero Uno in class ... When he was the First ranker (always was), Ranker # 2 would be around 100-120 marks behind him. He was that good ... and a perfectionist too (courtesy: my Karate Sensei Abdur Rabb), just like my mom .. Being his brother was something of a character bonus or a headstart in school among the teachers, but sometimes a pain coz "we" were expected do as good as he did
Did i say WE?? Oh well, that was me and my 2nd older brother then .. another guy who was extremely good .. in all fields EXCEPT ACADEMICS at that time (later he caught up on that as well) .. my 2nd older brother Sheji .. Now he was something .. a stud in looks, stylish, attitude-filled, basketball champ, the best in Kumite in our dojo, a gem of a singer, an amazing dancer, u name it man .. girls used to flock around dying to know his name and get introduced (but later his vigour died out as well and he became kind of self conscious too). But when he was good, he used to be my idol in everything .. NOT Academics (please !!) .. He used to encourage me for everything i did ... Shemi was a major pusher for the both of us .. and my mom used to support all of us for everything we did .. And whatever all 3 of us ventured into, we were THE BEST. One great family we were man !! Masha Allah !!
Now u havent heard me mentioning my dad's name even once right?? That's coz he has never made a positive impact in any of our lives. As man of the house, i remember him doing stuff like running me around on chores, pushing me into being disciplined (though he never was himself), dropping me to school n karate class n stuff (well that was enough for him, i suppose ... i dont know).. but as MY dad, he never did anything that made me look upto him.. there was never a man whom i cud really look upto as the IDEAL PERSON IN LIFE .. i had to suffice by listening from various sources abt my grandfathers (paternal and maternal) who were supposedly great personalities and feel good that i was part of their elite chain of living beings.
But i used to watch how my mom spoke to people and imbibed it in me .. her personality was dashing .. she was a class apart .. i mean watever i have, the attitude, the talk, the IQ, my easy adaptability to environment and crowd (many people have commented on this, especially my best friend in Newmatic, Lizy, who was impressed by the ease with which i got along with the directors AND the labourers equally well !!) i owe it ALL to MY MOM ... now SHE was "THE" ideal personality in my life ..
Have you seen a candle burning off completely to its base ..?? at the final stage, when the candle is about to light out, it starts burning vigorously and emits light as though it fell in oil. Well, my life story kinda burned out the same way ..
My days at school were the best, college was real gud 2 and i had everything i cud possibly think of, my IQ level was way up and still growing, i was real gud in dancing, singing, karate, famous among my batchmates, seniors n juniors ... i had a whole lot of cool friends anywhere and everywhere, everyone luvd me, my brothers were with me at home, 2 cars n 2 bikes to ourselves, mom used to come home every quarter, a whole lot of cash .. everything was so cool, so full, so luvly ..
But before we could realize it .. suddenly everything .. literally everythng .. just HALTED . all the fun just disappeared .. the "luvly" life just zilched out .. i was lost ... totally lost ..
This same life that i used 2 luv, turned its back on me .. i havent known what real happiness is for 4 whole years now .. watever i do, watever i tuch, goes against me .. watever decision i make turns out to be dangerous ... i cant sing as gud as i used to .. i cant wear my old jeans due to the extra pounds (forget dancing) .. karate was like some moral lesson i learnt in Grade 4 .. i lost my hair, my cool looks, my attitude, my vigour .. i lost my interest in everything ... suddenly everything was so bland in life ..
our relatives started ditching us .. only a handful of real gud family friends stayed and were with us .. we saw it .. we saw the bitch ... LIFE ... thats wat it really was ... thats how it was all these years .. for so many people around us .. but WE didn't notice even once .. y did this have to happen to us ??? of all people ..
Its said, the world is just a testing ground .. now who said that .. Oh yeah, its in the Qur'an .. i remember that .. that's when everything started falling into place .. when i actually started to realize that everything in this world is temporary .. its fake .. just out to lure u in .. distract you .. i never used to read the Qur'an very often ... and prayers were something like spinach .. not that i hated it, but they were always forced into me (by myself or someone else) .. though my mom n bros started off seriously into religion a little earlier than me, i used to be something like a distraction to them at times .. now when i luk back, i can picturise myself as a gremlin ..
My family (except my dad) is into religion, lots of my real close friends are into it , all the people whom i REALLY care for are into it .. but wat the hell am i doing here ?? sobbing about past coups?? and still doin nothing about it .. ??
Anyway, Alhamdulillah, i've seen the goal .. the true goal .. and NOW its my turn to pave my way through to it .. Insha Allah, I will reach it soon .. May i get the power to avoid all evil that distracts me and reach my goal of the highest Jannath .. the true Muslim's goal .. Insha Allah .. may it happen .. Aameen !!
